A New Look

As some of you know, I’ve been in Dallas for the past four weeks, doing some work for our office up here. It’s mainly field work (inspections), so I haven’t been doing much shaving lately. As I stared at my Unabomber beard in the mirror this morning, I started to wonder if it was time for me to sport a new look.

When I first grew my beard three years ago, I was mainly trying to look older. I have a lot of responsibility in my day job, and the last thing I wanted a client saying was, “He’s how old?” Thus, I decided to pull a Teddy Pendergrass and grow the beard.

But now that I’m a little older, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s time to retire the beard. Plus, Mrs. V never liked it anyway–she said it was hard to cuddle because it always scratched her. (Of course, being that I’m anti-cuddling, maybe I should keep the beard). But if I did cut the beard, what new look should I go with? Here are the options:


1) The clean shaven look a.k.a. “THE DENZEL”

Pros: If I could look a tenth of how cool Denzel looks, it would be worth it. Plus, that’ll give Mrs. V a chance to caress my baby smooth skin.

Cons: It’d be a pain in the ass to shave every day. And let’s be honest–it’d take a lot more than a smooth face to look as cool as Denzel.

2) The full goatee a.k.a. “THE ANGRY BLACK MAN”

Pros: Sporting this look is just like hanging a sign around my neck that says, “Don’t f@#$ with me.”

Cons: If I don’t shave it regularly, I’ll end up looking like Jamie Foxx from Miami Vice.

3) The Van Dyke a.k.a. “THE CHAPPELLE”

Pros: I used to sport this in college, so I’m used to it.

Cons: I also used to drink Amaretto Sours and eat Ramen noddles in college. Some things aren’t worth revisiting.


4) The Soul Patch a.k.a. “THE HERO”

Pros: Hiro, Phil Jackson, and R. Kelly have been seen sporting it. Why wouldn’t I want to be like them.

Cons: A fictional superhero, a 66 year old man with a bad hip, and “the Urinator” sport this. My wife would never sleep with me again.

One Response to “A New Look”

  1. Paula

    V, I’ve cut back on blog reading and blogging to a certain degree. But coming up for air (i.e. totally blocked on my WIP and need a distraction). And I’m voting for the Angry black Man!

    My all time fave looks is clean shaven up top and a thin line outlining the jaw, plus a little stache. The hubster swears that I’m much more anti when his hair grows back.

    I don’t believe it…but who knows. We ladies do have our preferences.